Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Wow, I can't leave you people alone for even a week, can I? I take a little time off, and all heck breaks loose. General Motors tested missiles with Renault, North Korea head-butted the Italian price of oil, and Ken Lay used a body double to escape to Lichtenstein, er, I mean, he "passed away."
"Without laughter, there is only madness." That's what Nietzsche would've said, especially if he'd faced six days of rain on his Tahitian honeymoon like I did.
But I digress. I'm back. Stuff happened this week. Stuff that was, well, funny. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,452.68 | 1,109.24 | 2,185.03 | 33.23 |
Oil *
77.73
|
|
DOWN
18.90
|
UP
0.38
|
UP
9.22
|
UP
0.48
|
10 Yr
3.32%
SPDR Gold
119.18
|
|
-0.18%
|
+0.03%
|
+0.42%
|
+1.47%
|
Data delayed 20 minutes |
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