Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
We here at Funny Money believe that, in order to understand where we're going, we must know where we've been. To that end, it's time for our quarterly review. Here then, once again, are some of the important business events from the second quarter of 2006.
April: Powered by Worry
Wal-Mart is going to offer aid to small businesses. In response, Princess Leia yelled, "No Luke! It's a trap!!" Then all across America the corner store was put into carbon freeze.
Apple will offer computers that run Windows. Hooray! My Mac and I have been dying to get these "viruses" we keep hearing about. Thanks, Steve. Can't wait until you sell me the $300 portable solution to whatever problems this'll cause. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,388.90 | 1,105.98 | 2,194.35 | 34.83 |
Oil *
77.74
|
|
UP
22.75
|
UP
6.06
|
UP
21.21
|
UP
1.03
|
10 Yr
3.48%
SPDR Gold
113.75
|
|
+0.22%
|
+0.55%
|
+0.98%
|
+3.05%
|
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