Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Early in the week, stocks fell because CNBC reported remarks attributed to Fed Chief Ben Bernanke. Isn't it great that our economy can be crippled by a game of telephone? We're trillions in debt! ... But I didn't say 'Simon Says.'
In other mental illness-based business news, oil prices treated us like kittens chasing a mouse-on-a-string. Iran is bad! Zig. Bolivia! Zag. $100 Rebates! Zoom. Found extra oil in the sofa! Shazam.
I think I'm going to buy one barrel of oil, offer to sell it, then start acting unstable, just to drive the price up. Watch out, I'm gonna quit law school to be a comedian! $8 million a barrel. ...
Recent Comments
| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,308.26 | 1,096.07 | 2,180.05 | 34.87 |
Oil *
73.22
|
|
DOWN
132.86
|
DOWN
13.11
|
DOWN
26.86
|
DOWN
1.09
|
10 Yr
3.49%
SPDR Gold
107.34
|
|
-1.27%
|
-1.18%
|
-1.22%
|
-3.03%
|
Data delayed 20 minutes |
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