Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
With rising energy prices becoming a national obsession, Senate leaders this week began questioning the gas and oil incentives and giveaways they passed eight months ago. Apparently, that's easier than vowing to actually do their jobs in the future. Foresight, deliberation, and careful consideration? Never heard of 'em. Off to my lobbyist lunch!
In related news, President Bush relaxed some environmental rules to increase oil production. Come on, tree-huggers, it's just temporary. Everything will be solar powered once the ozone layer burns off ... any minute now.
Bush also met with the CEOs of the Big 3 auto companies to determine which irrelevant, outdated, unbelievably lame (duck) scheme could cost the American people more jobs. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,285.97 | 1,091.93 | 2,172.99 | 33.92 |
Oil *
75.45
|
|
DOWN
104.14
|
DOWN
11.32
|
DOWN
16.62
|
DOWN
0.56
|
10 Yr
3.39%
SPDR Gold
110.95
|
|
-1.00%
|
-1.03%
|
-0.76%
|
-1.62%
|
Data delayed 20 minutes |
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