Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Big news this week: Ben Bernanke gave his first address to Congress, and his nostrils only emitted tiny puffs of sulfurous soot -- but let's give him time. It was cute, though, when he asked a congressman to "kneel before Zod."
Speaking of Congress, the government may let the oil and gas industry, a.k.a. The Sisters of The Poor, pump gas from Federal lands without paying $7 billion in royalties. Ooops.
We're losing out on royalties. Oil companies have become Napster. And we, the citizens, are Metallica. Several lawmakers criticized the royalty giveaway, adding, "Tssk, tssk. If we'd known this could happen, we would've actually read the legislation." ...
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