Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.
Time Warner (TWX Quote) named Jeff Bewkes as its new president and COO this week. In a related story, Carl Icahn got a new voodoo doll.
Icahn reportedly wants to replace the Wizard in the land of Oz. He'd have told Dorothy to split up her shoes and sell them as separate units of a "go home" enterprise.
News Corp. gave its TV chief, Roger Ailes, a new $25 million contract, proving, yet again, that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. I think PT Barnum said that when he launched the Fox Circus Channel. We stuff clowns into a car. You decide. ...
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| Dow Jones | S&P 500 | NASDAQ | 10-Year Note | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10,309.92 | 1,091.49 | 2,138.44 | 32.31 |
Oil *
77.12
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DOWN
154.48
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19.14
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37.61
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DOWN
0.48
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10 Yr
3.23%
SPDR Gold
115.06
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-1.48%
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-1.72%
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-1.73%
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-1.46%
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