The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Sears CEO Punked Hung out to, er, wash

1. The Man Who Never Washes

What's harder to take than know-it-all analysts who ask self-important questions on earnings conference calls?

Maybe irate customers who impersonate analysts for the sake of confronting management. At least, that's what Sears (S Quote) CEO Alan Lacy had to deal with this quarter.

When the retailer reported second-quarter earnings last week, one particularly persistent Sears customer made sure that Wall Street and the company heard him loud and clear. And boy, was he unhappy.

It all started last Thursday, when the operator prompted Andy Keller of Credit Suisse First Boston to go ahead and ask his question for management.

Except there was no Andy Keller on the line -- which, in hindsight, makes sense, because CSFB says there is no Andy Keller in its research department. The man who came on the line identified himself as "Steven." And what Steven proceeded to do was complain to Lacy about the washer and dryer he'd purchased from a Sears store in Texas last September.

The people who delivered the appliances "damaged my floor and my door and failed to balance the washer, which caused grease to leak out on the clothes," Steven complained. "When I contacted Sears and actually went to speak with you regarding the matter, I was told that you wouldn't take the call. When I actually contacted customer service after that, without even investigating the matter or sending no one out to look at the door, you guys send me a denial letter. So I'm curious as to how you're going to rectify the situation, 'cause I understand Sears likes to back their service and provides 100% satisfaction to their customers."

Evidently, it wasn't bad enough that Sears blew the quarter and guided downward for the rest of the year. Someone had to put a face on all those unhappy customers.

CEO Lacy promised Steven -- who didn't disclose his last name on the call -- a quick solution. "My apologies," said Lacy. "We clearly did not do a proper job with your delivery, and we'll fix it." ...