The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

1. Don't Bush Your Luck

The grateful thanks of the Five Dumbest Things Research Lab go out this week to President Bush for answering some questions that have been troubling the lab's staff for some time now.

What would happen to the markets, we wondered, if the president were to deliver a speech in which he came out against corporate wrongdoing? You know, taking a position just as controversial and unpopular as, say, those politicians who climb out on a limb to praise the flag or denounce child abuse?

Furthermore, we pondered, what might happen if the president were to deliver that speech in front of wallpaper on which the words "Corporate Responsibility" were printed in a prominent and repetitive fashion? How would that affect the markets once his audience had incontrovertible proof that George Bush is indeed in favor of corporate responsibility? ...