Q&A with Buzz and Batch

It's a benign day, so we thought we'd check in with Buzz Gould and Batch Hammer, those two uncanny New Economy traders who run billions of your money at the Hot Hot Hot Mutual Fund. We caught up with them during a three-martini-on-the-desk lunch. (The vodka? Ketel One.) And you wondered what happened to casual Friday when things went casual everyday? On Fridays, these guys are stirred, not shaken.

Cramer: Breaking out the cold ones a little early aren't we? I mean the gains are hardly booked and you are already into your third round!

Batch: Just practicing for two weeks from now when we are on the 11:47 Cannonball to Amagansett. You gonna be joining us, Baldy?

Cramer: Batch, my single days ended 15 years ago.

Batch: (Inaudible, spoken to Buzz. Cramer blushes.)

Buzz: Actually, we don't need that kind of practice. Our confidence has more to do with how in control of the action we are today.

Cramer: You mean you are that confident in your view of the market?

Buzz: View of the market? What the heck are you talking about, "view of the market?!" Who do you think we are, Lou Rukeyser? Is he still on? We don't have no view of the market. I'm talking about our QQQ (QQQ Quote) play this morning.

Cramer: Enlighten me.

Buzz: Remember when the employment number came out and there was all of that handwringing about how bad these numbers are and how bad the tape would be and even Maria B. got in the negative act? Well, when the market opened, we came in with $2 million dollars worth of QQQs to buy. We blitzed them right through the offering. And then we lifted them right through 91, took up 'em up a few points and nailed 'em. Got the whole psychology turned around. Drives those fundamental graybeards nuts!!!

Batch: You see, Cramer, with a little bit of capital you can really get the QQQs rolling, and they're the ideal instrument for this kind of manipula -- er, action. Once we got the QQQs up big, longs piled on and then all of the short guys -- the guys who had actually gamed it right, because that employment number was really bad for the bulls -- came in and started covering furiously. We gaffed them just as you gaffe a big fat blue fish off of Montauk in September. Next thing you know, it's squeeze-a-roonie!

Buzz: Squeeze-a-roonie-Mc-fadie!! (Clink of martini glasses.)

Batch: Cramer, you want a nip?

Cramer: Actually, no thanks, I tend not to drink during the day.

Buzz: Wuuussss!

Batch: Double wuuussss!!

Cramer: Seriously, guys, you mean to tell me that you moved the market with this QQQ gambit, and that you weren't bothered by the employment number?

Buzz: We aren't bothered by anything. We don't let emotions show. We are about winning. It is all about winning. We get the bears to capitulate and cover and we win. We won today. You say "Wass'up"? I say we won today.

Cramer: The fat lady hasn't sung yet.

Batch: What do you think this is, the NBA? This market starts coming down too much, we just call some of the buddies in the Scores consortium, and they take up the QQQs later in the day. (Pours another cold one.) We'll be right underneath them if they need us.

Cramer: Somehow I guess I thought this game was harder than that.

Batch: Get a life, man. Wait till you see Monday! We might put on a real show when we get all that money in over the weekend. I love this game!! (Smacks fists with Buzz. Spills drink on Cramer.)