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When Your Spouse Says You're Fat: Ask Noah

NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- Q: I want to get a handle on my health. I'm 40 pounds overweight, which makes me feel very depressed and unattractive. My husband is unhappy with my appearance and constantly comments on my weight gain, which makes me furious. I seem to be resistant to losing weight. How can I stop this negative pattern and get healthy?

A: It's not surprising that your husband's unflattering observations about this weight gain would leave you depressed, unmotivated and furious.

Why does he feel permission to speak freely about your physical appearance, without regard for how it's affecting you? If you consistently picked on his insecurities, how would he respond?

When your partner is constantly attacking you, it becomes very difficult to stay motivated. Successful and healthy weight-loss requires a supportive environment, which you don't have right now.

I'm sure you've talked to your husband about your frustrations. If not, I suggest you do. This doesn't mean you need to keep putting on the pounds until your husband learns to be an adult. Quite the opposite: You will only gain control over your health by separating your weight loss goals from your husband's sophomoric chatter.

Now, ask yourself what your plan is.

1. Losing 40 pounds is the long-term goal, but what is your short-term goal?

2. Consult a nutritionist or doctor about various weight-loss plans. Decide what will work best for you.

3. Find a gym that offers classes you would actually attend and trainers you could work with.

4. Create a consistent and realistic exercise routine; how many days per week will you go?

This plan starts and ends with you.

Thanks for reaching out. I wish you all the best.

Questions and comments can be sent to Ask Noah at

Have a profitable and peaceful week, Noah

Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC's "The Dylan Ratigan Show," featured in a segment called "Kass' Couch" and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.

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