2. Dimon Defeats Dumbest
London Whale, London Schmale. Too Big to Fail, Too Big to Schmail. The shareholders wanted, and got, their man. But what about us non-shareholders who didn't get a chance to vote? What do we get from Jamie consolidating his power at an organization large enough to bring down the American economy? We already have the unelected Fed Chief Ben Bernanke on the buy side, what's our upside for having an equally omnipotent Jamie Dimon on the sell side? Well, we get succession risk for one. While everybody is having a conniption about who will take over Berkshire Hathaway (BRK-B) when Warren Buffett steps down, that's not our concern at all. He runs an insurance company and owns a lot of stock. Big deal. Jamie, on the other hand, effectively runs a quasi-branch of the U.S. government. If he should fail at both roles -- and we are not saying he will -- then taxpayers will be on the hook for his mistakes, no matter what anybody says about living wills and resolution authorities. That much we learned from Lehman CEO and Chairman Dick Fuld (not to equate the two) during the 2008 bank crisis. And that's why the JPMorgan shareholder vote held larger consequences than hurting Dimon's feelings. "We intend to have a competent and capable successor to Jamie. But we hope that time is much in the future . . . I have no illusions that we would be able to clone Jamie," said lead director Lee Raymond. There you have it fellow Americans. If, heaven forbid, Jamie Dimon gets hit by a bus or eats a bad shrimp, the former CEO of ExxonMobil will be right there to dig into the banks derivative positions until a lesser man than Jamie's clone can assume the position. Sleep tight, folks. And don't forget to say a prayer for Jamie Dimon before bedtime. The future of your retirement is in his hands and that's the only say non-shareholders get.