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5 Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week: March 22

Stocks in this article: LULU GLDD JPM MXWL

4. Ina's Lack of Knowledge

Farewell, Ina Drew. You may be a know-nothing, but we hardly knew you.

Drew, the former head of the "London Whale" trading unit at JPMorgan Chase (JPM), blamed a "flawed" risk model and "deceptive" traders for the massive $6 billion loss at the bank in her prepared testimony last Friday before the Senate Permanent Subcommitee on Investigations. Drew resigned from her position of chief investment officer in May 2012 as a result of the scandal.

"Since my departure I have learned of the deceptive conduct by members of the London team, and I was, and remain, deeply disappointed and saddened to learn of such conduct and the extent to which the London team let me, and the Company, down," said Drew. She also said she stepped down "to make it easier for the company to move beyond these issues," going so far as to give up $21 million in compensation in recognition of her unit's losses.

Look on the bright side, Ina, at least you finally learned something about the goings-on in the department you were supposedly overseeing. Had the losses never come to light, you would still be in the dark about your underlings lying and cheating ways.

Be honest, Ina. Doesn't that enlightenment make you feel somewhat better? Or would you have preferred to go your entire career playing the fool?

Then again, your alleged ignorance at the bank was certainly blissful for you -- not to mention profitable. Despite your blather about forfeiting millions in future pay, you still pocketed $29 million in 2010 and 2011. That's not a bad take-home for a warden without the slightest clue that her inmates were running the asylum.

"She has acted with integrity and tried to do what was right for the company at all times, even though she was part of this mistake," Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon said last July when announcing Drew's departure. "In that spirit, Ina came forward and offered to give up a very significant amount of her past compensation."

What a joke, Jamie. That's even more of a laugher than your "tempest in a teapot" comment last April before this Whale issue swallowed you up like Jonah.

If there's one thing we learned from these hearings, it's not only that nobody is going to be punished for misleading regulators and shareholders, it's that Ina's no martyr.

Possibly a puppet. Feasibly a figurehead. Ostensibly an overpaid ignoramus.

But definitely not a martyr.

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