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Pick-Up Stuck: Ask Noah

NEW YORK ( TheStreet) -- Q: I get nervous when picking up new women I'm very attracted to. It's a lot easier for me to be myself once I'm dating her, but I struggle with how to interact initially.

I'm tired of feeling anxious about it. I want to feel attracted and have the confidence to make a move simultaneously. Do you have any tips on finding comfort in this area?

A: Believe you deserve to feel comfortable when approaching anyone you're attracted to. You aren't inferior to anyone.

Focus less on getting a phone number or setting up a date and more on creating a solid connection. Always remember that any woman you approach has her own set of insecurities and defenses. She wants romance and gets nervous just like you.

Sweaty palms, wordless glances and belly butterflies frequently occur for both sexes. You shouldn't feel alone because nervousness is everywhere.

There are some very lucky people who appear more naturally suave -- they have the ability to control their nerves so others can't see them "sweat." You may not be this way inherently, however through practice, you can train yourself to react with ease and deftness when making your move.

Begin by asking if you accept yourself for who you are and what you can bring to a relationship. If you aren't comfortable with the answer, how can you expect a woman find comfort alongside you?

Perhaps you feel there are things about you that women won't seem to notice or appreciate, so you hide some of what might be your best assets.

Here's a change of pace: Assume that you're going to be very successful with women. Assume your interactions will definitely yield positive results and remain open to feeling good about what you're bringing to the table.

Do not define success so narrowly as rejection or acceptance. This will help take the pressure off you, and allow you to have more fun with women. Enjoy and trust the process.

Lastly, remember, in order to get to that "dating" status, patience and a tough skin are required.

Thanks for the question.

Questions and comments can be sent to ASK NOAH at

Have a profitable and peaceful week,


This article was written by an independent contributor, separate from TheStreet's regular news coverage.

Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC's "The Dylan Ratigan Show," featured in a segment called "Kass' Couch" and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.

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