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Cohabitation Trepidation: Ask Noah

NEW YORK ( TheStreet) -- Q: I just moved in with my girlfriend of two years, the woman I will marry one day.

However, I still sometimes get anxious about having to consult her on daily decisions. This ranges on all things -- evening plans, grocery lists, financial planning, etc.

It's not as if my anxiety is overwhelming, but sometimes I wonder why all the worry over shared daily living choices and if this feeling is normal to have in my scenario?

A: It's totally normal, my friend! You wouldn't be human if the addition of another soul into your living space yielded no emotion from you.

This is your test run for marriage. Honestly, I'm impressed you're readily able to express your present feelings.

Living with another person requires adaptation and compromise. It will be a continuous adjustment for both of you for a while. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to break the status quo and grow together in your lives.

Your anxieties are real and should be addressed. Start the important dialogue by telling your girlfriend that you fear this "supposed" loss of your personal independence. Fear of becoming too interdependent is a universal theme in intimate relationships.

By confidently sharing your fear with your partner, you minimize the power it has over you. It also gives her the chance to voice any similar concerns she's harboring. You may find that she too is fearful of these daily changes.

If this relationship is to mature into a successful, lifelong commitment, your communication will always need to be clear and open. As you begin this coexistence, create great living habits, by mutually respecting one another's personal needs.

Lastly, remember what you are gain from living with someone you love. The quality time spent together, the building of security and commitment; these are the lasting gifts gained from sharing time with another.

Thank you very much, and best of luck.

As always, please send questions and comments to ASK NOAH at

Have a profitable and peaceful week,


This article was written by an independent contributor, separate from TheStreet's regular news coverage.
Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC's "The Dylan Ratigan Show," featured in a segment called "Kass' Couch," and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.

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