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The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week: Feb. 15

Stocks in this article: ETRM DELL AAPL CCL TSLA

2. Cook Heats Up

Is David Einhorn's heat finally getting to Apple (AAPL - Get Report) CEO Tim Cook?

Lord, we hope so. It may be bad for business, but it sure is good for ours.

Speaking at the Goldman Sachs Technology and Internet Conference in San Francisco on Tuesday, the normally unflappable Cook was quizzed on the hedge fund manager's decision to sue Apple in order to return some of its $137 billion in cash to shareholders. The Greenlight Capital president wants his fellow shareholders to vote against Apple's proposal to do away with preferred stock, which he says restricts "the board's ability to unlock the value on Apple's balance sheet."

Cook, however, wanted nothing to do with Einhorn at the Goldman shindig. Steve Jobs' successor dismissed the lawsuit as "a silly sideshow" and a "distraction" during his presentation. Shares of Apple sank 2.5% to $468 after Cook's cocksure performance.

"I find it bizarre we would find ourselves being sued for doing something that's good for shareholders," Cook said. "I think it would be a lot better use of funds to donate that time and money to a worthy cause."

Hold on a darn minute, Timmy boy! We think this fight is an incredibly worthy cause. Think about all of us overeducated, underpaid ink-stained wretches whose very livelihoods depend on covering silly sideshows like yours, would ya? Stupid feuds between billionaires like you and Einhorn may bore you, but they sustain us.

And, thankfully for us, the story took a turn for the sillier even before Cook left the building.

Not missing a beat, a spokesman for Greenlight responded to Cook's charge, saying: "If Apple thinks the lawsuit is a waste of resources, it could simply end the matter by complying with existing law" by unbundling the proposed changes.

Check to you, Tim. And while we wait for your next move in this burgeoning grudge match, we can only pray that activist investor Carl Icahn chooses a side and jumps into the fray.

These Dumbest pages don't write themselves, you know.

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