"You might catch a Price -- yeah that Price is usually right (!) Or an 'I Got The' Balas With a precision-like tail! You might get hot with a 'Burn Baby' Byrne Who makes portfolios sail! You might catch some Ironfire's Eric (not Bo!) Jackson Who's a high-stepping winner. You might catch a Danny, that's Red Sox fan and Stone's new dad, my editor!
"You might catch a Gad (Zooks!) With that incredible pen For producing the models That winners portend. You might catch a sensible Gayed An Arnold or a Lang Or even a Collins (not Phil but a Tim!) Who is really sporty!
"You might catch a Morrow, a Moreno or a Melvin Now mightn't you, now!?! You might catch a Stalter Whose ideas pay for my chow. Some fish from London. Like
-- so hot, Might decide to sign up! Well they might, might they not?
"Or racing up north for a chance to get right, Full steam ahead for Jim Cramer's site Some lucrative winners Like my fav, 'The Divine Ms. M.' From beyond Hudson Bay Might decide to swim down, Might be headed Jim's way! It's a pretty long trip, But they might, and they may.
"You might catch a Versace (not the designer, it's Chris!) A Graff or a Jackson
"Or even travel 'Downtown' with Josh Brown Well, you might. It depends. A long-twisting
-chatting Fitzpatrick With a lot of strange bends And, oddly enough, With a pen on both ends!
"One doesn't catch this kind of winner as a rule, But the chances are fine in Jim Cramer's pool!
"You might find a Ponsi 'Scheme' An observer with muscle, Might grab at your bait, Then would you have a tussle!
"To land one so valuable might take two or three hours, But the next might be easy, Like Melvin, who likes flowers Or you might catch a winner From a stranger place yet! Like Graff, from the world's highest river, In far-off Tibet.
"You might catch a Katz And a biggie named Dicker Both spouting their spouts And all earning a bounty.
"You'll probably catch many more writers Like Schiller and Peltier
And, oh by the way, Did I mention an 'Ask Noah?'
"Then you'll stop for the day 'Cause there's nothing that's bigger Than Jim's site, so they say.
"Still, of course, it might be That there is something bigger! Someone like Rev Shark A Thing-A-Ma-Jigger! Rev's a technician so big, if you know what I mean, That he makes a whale look like a tiny sardine!
"Oh, the site is full of a number of oldies, Like Woodard, Williams and Malandrino, Schwartz, Smith and Shove And Hughes and Maragioglio. If a subscriber is patient, He might get many more winners!
"And that's why I think That we all get really bright As we sit here and read On Jim Cramer's site!"
At the time of publication, Kass had no positions in stocks mentioned.