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Dealing With Grief: Ask Noah

Stage 4:

Depression: When the reality of the deceased loved one truly sets in, the grieving person can become completely hopeless and lost. The individual may even anticipate or desire his or her own demise.

Although this stage may cause one to become desolate and isolated, depression (even deeply felt,) can be a very productive stage in the grieving process. The "depression" stage may involve tremendous sadness or a need to purposely avoid being part of the "active world." Yet, eventual acceptance and re-immersion into everyday life normally follows this period of intense mourning. 

Stage 5:

Acceptance: The individual now comes to terms with the loss. All feelings experienced in the past stages  are still generally very present, but now there is knowledge that life continues. The mourner now sees that they will survive, and that their life is worth pursuing once again.

Every individual approaches these stages differently. They can bounce around from one to stage to another without warning and unexpectedly revert as well. Please remember as you're experiencing grief, all of these reactions are entirely normal, and healing 'time-frames' for everyone will differ. 

As your friend's death was very recent, your feelings are still extremely raw, any and all vulnerabilities felt should be expected. 

It appears that you are in your depression stage, which makes complete sense given your timeframe. Accept that this will take time. Perhaps even see this mourning period as a way to honor your lifelong friendship.

Had I experienced the death of my best friend, all aspects of my life would be completely altered. I would have needed someone to help me "keep on keeping on."

I urge you to continue working with your therapist. Tell your therapist that you do not feel you are making any "progress" in the grief department. Maybe merely advocating for yourself will help move the process along. 

Additionally, you may need to work with a different type of psychotherapist. Maybe one who specializes in bereavement and/or trauma. 

Your life was put on pause when your buddy was taken from us. Allow yourself the time to grieve without judgment. You will move on, but it will be at a pace that cannot yet be determined. 

Very brave of you to bare such a personal part of your life!!

Thank you very much and if I can be of any help in the future, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Send all questions to Ask Noah at

Have a profitable and peaceful week,


This article is commentary by an independent contributor, separate from TheStreet's regular news coverage.
Noah Kass is a psychotherapist specializing in addiction, relationship issues and work stressors. He has been Clinical Director at The Dunes: East Hampton and Realization Center in Union Square. Mr. Kass was a frequent guest on MSNBC�s �The Dylan Ratigan Show,� featured in a segment called �Kass' Couch� and regularly blogs for The Huffington Post.
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