This account is pending registration confirmation. Please click on the link within the confirmation email previously sent you to complete registration.
Need a new registration confirmation email? Click here
TheStreet Open House

Adult Kids Moving In? Don't Let Them Slouch Back Into Being a Teen

NEW YORK ( AdviceIQ) -- Are you ready to have your adult children living at home with you? Like it or not, it's a distinct possibility. So you need to make some rules and plans for this homecoming to work.

According to a Pew Research Center survey done recently, almost a third of adult children's parents in the United States are seeing their offspring move back home.

With one child living overseas and another away at college, I can tell you that it would be a dream come true to have my kids back home -- for me. But I know that my children, like yours, strive to be independent. Living at home is not my kids' first choice, and the same is probably true about your children.

They move back home because it's difficult to land a job these days. Plus, wages are low and the cost of living is high. What is the best way to make this situation work for everyone involved?

1. Ground rules

Rather than imposing rules on your children, treat them as the adults they are. Bring up topics that are important to you and ask them what issues they want to raise. Here is a partial list of important agenda items:

  • How long will the children be at home?
  • What contributions do you expect of them? Rent, chores, shopping?
  • What contributions do they expect of you? What are you going to pay for on your child's behalf? Are you going to provide food and shelter only or is cable TV, clubbing costs and car insurance included, as well? Make sure that both you and your kids are clear on this.
  • What is their plan for becoming independent again? Will they go back to school? Change their career ? Save enough to buy a home? In short, what is the reason for the move and what are they doing to improve their own situation?
  • Who does the cooking and cleaning?
  • Do you have any restrictions on having your child's guests?
  • To make sure there are no misunderstandings down the road, I strongly suggest that you have a written agreement that both you and your children sign, spelling out these rules.

    2. The costs

    Don't make your kids feel guilty, but let them know what you are giving up (if anything) by this new living arrangement. Do the added food costs make it harder to reach your own financial goals? Do you have to give up your free time to shuttle them around or watch your grandchildren? Be honest about it. If you try to pretend there isn't any problem with the new situation, you might build up resentment that bubbles up at the wrong time.

    3. Monthly meetings

    Situations rarely unfold as planned. The reality of your children moving back in is going to be far different from how you imagine it.

    The kids may develop grievances and so might you. Allow for a specific day and time each month to discuss how things are going. Ask your children what they like about the situation, and what they wish were different. Then, share your own feelings and ask for a commitment to make appropriate changes.

    4. Help your kids

    You might be doing your kids a huge favor by opening up your doors to them again. But if you really want to help them, explore the needed steps for them to be independent.

    Is your son moving back because he lost his job? OK. Is he in the right profession or does he have to go back to school to prepare for a better career? Should he start looking at jobs that don't require a college degree ?

    Is he sleeping later and later every day, rather than looking for employment? The best way to help him: Insist he pay rent and set a firm move-out date.

    As you can see, you must handle each situation on a case-by-case basis.

    It could be wonderful to have your children living with you again -- and it should be. That's why you must get clear on expectations and mutual ground rules, and for both you and your children to be willing to adapt as problems arise.

    --By Neal Frankle, founder of Wealth Resources Group in Agoura Hill, Calif. for AdviceIQ .

    For Frankle's blog click here .

    AdviceIQ is a network of financial advisors that writes articles for the public about investing and wealth management. All articles are edited by AdviceIQ's editor in chief, Larry Light. AdviceIQ certifies that all its advisors have no regulatory infractions.

    To subscribe to AdviceIQ's Rss feed for personal finance articles written by financial advisors and AdviceIQ editors, click here .

    Follow AdviceIQ on Twitter at @adviceiq.

    Select the service that is right for you!

    COMPARE ALL SERVICES
    Action Alerts PLUS
    Try it NOW

    Jim Cramer and Stephanie Link actively manage a real portfolio and reveal their money management tactics while giving advanced notice before every trade.

    Product Features:
    • $2.5+ million portfolio
    • Large-cap and dividend focus
    • Intraday trade alerts from Cramer
    • Weekly roundups
    TheStreet Quant Ratings
    Try it NOW
    Only $49.95/yr

    Access the tool that DOMINATES the Russell 2000 and the S&P 500.

    Product Features:
    • Buy, hold, or sell recommendations for over 4,300 stocks
    • Unlimited research reports on your favorite stocks
    • A custom stock screener
    • Upgrade/downgrade alerts
    Stocks Under $10
    Try it NOW

    David Peltier, uncovers low dollar stocks with extraordinary upside potential that are flying under Wall Street's radar.

    Product Features:
    • Model portfolio
    • Stocks trading below $10
    • Intraday trade alerts
    • Weekly roundups
    Dividend Stock Advisor
    Try it NOW

    Jim Cramer's protege, David Peltier, identifies the best of breed dividend stocks that will pay a reliable AND significant income stream.

    Product Features:
    • Diversified model portfolio of dividend stocks
    • Alerts when market news affect the portfolio
    • Bi-weekly updates with exact steps to take - BUY, HOLD, SELL
    Real Money Pro
    Try it NOW

    All of Real Money, plus 15 more of Wall Street's sharpest minds delivering actionable trading ideas, a comprehensive look at the market, and fundamental and technical analysis.

    Product Features:
    • Real Money + Doug Kass Plus 15 more Wall Street Pros
    • Intraday commentary & news
    • Ultra-actionable trading ideas
    Options Profits
    Try it NOW

    Our options trading pros provide daily market commentary and over 100 monthly option trading ideas and strategies to help you become a well-seasoned trader.

    Product Features:
    • 100+ monthly options trading ideas
    • Actionable options commentary & news
    • Real-time trading community
    • Options TV
    To begin commenting right away, you can log in below using your Disqus, Facebook, Twitter, OpenID or Yahoo login credentials. Alternatively, you can post a comment as a "guest" just by entering an email address. Your use of the commenting tool is subject to multiple terms of service/use and privacy policies - see here for more details.
    Submit an article to us!
    DOW 16,399.67 +19.26 0.12%
    S&P 500 1,904.01 +17.25 0.91%
    NASDAQ 4,316.0740 +57.6360 1.35%

    Brokerage Partners

    Rates from Bankrate.com

    • Mortgage
    • Credit Cards
    • Auto

    Free Newsletters from TheStreet

    My Subscriptions:

    After the Bell

    Before the Bell

    Booyah! Newsletter

    Midday Bell

    TheStreet Top 10 Stories

    Winners & Losers

    Register for Newsletters
    Top Rated Stocks Top Rated Funds Top Rated ETFs