This Day On The Street
Continue to site
This account is pending registration confirmation. Please click on the link within the confirmation email previously sent you to complete registration.
Need a new registration confirmation email? Click here

The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week: April 20

2. Roche, Ross and Rachel

Sorry folks, but we have lost all interest in Roche's courtship of Illumina (ILMN - Get Report) and are officially changing the channel. Like the on-again, off-again TV romances between Ross and Rachel on Friends and Sam and Diane on Cheers, the thrill of this real-life corporate chase has devolved into highly unwatchable -- and ultimately predictable -- sit-com stupidity.

Roche CEO Severin Schwan announced Wednesday that his company's $51 a share, $6.7 billion offer to buy Illumina will expire on April 20, thereby ending the drugmaker's three-month quest to acquire the genetics giant.

Illumina's stock sank as low as $40 per share on the news; although most of the hot money had already started to seep out of the stock last week when it became clear that Illumina was indeed serious about rebuffing Roche's bid.

"We continue to hold Illumina and its management in very high regard but, with access only to public information about Illumina's business and prospects, we do not believe that a price above Roche's offer for Illumina of $51 per share would be in the interest of Roche's shareholders," said Schwan in a statement.

Oh, poor Severin. Illumina remains the Apple of his eye, but the company just won't open itself up to him. (Well, for that matter Illumina considers itself the Apple of its own eye, calling itself "the Apple of the genomics business," but still.)

Maybe if he wasn't so darn desperate all the time, he would get the girl, or in this case the genomics company, much earlier. Remember that a mere three weeks ago, Roche raised its price to $51 a share from $44.50.

And just last week Roche wrote a love letter to Illumina shareholders, telling them that its sweetened offer was a "starting point for negotiations."

Come on guys! Can't you play it cool just once? If $51 was last week's "starting point," why on earth should Ilumina shareholders believe that it's this week's ending point? Clearly with that type of loose talk the brass at Illumina will think there is a higher price on the way, even without rival bidders joining the fray.

And even if other suitors do pop up, we highly doubt Roche will be deterred from its goal. Seriously, did you ever really think that Rachel was going to end up with Joey? Or Diane with Frasier Crane?

Of course not!

Look, these two crazy kids will get together in the end. Everybody knows that eventually time -- and money -- conquers all. The same nonsense occurred during Roche's respective hook-ups with Genentech and Ventana. It's in their character.

And what happens in the very odd event they don't wind up hitched?

Don't worry. Unlike network TV, we guarantee you that in this case the spin-offs will be far more comical than the original show. With these guys, it has to be.
4 of 5

Check Out Our Best Services for Investors

Action Alerts PLUS

Portfolio Manager Jim Cramer and Director of Research Jack Mohr reveal their investment tactics while giving advanced notice before every trade.

Product Features:
  • $2.5+ million portfolio
  • Large-cap and dividend focus
  • Intraday trade alerts from Cramer
Quant Ratings

Access the tool that DOMINATES the Russell 2000 and the S&P 500.

Product Features:
  • Buy, hold, or sell recommendations for over 4,300 stocks
  • Unlimited research reports on your favorite stocks
  • A custom stock screener
Stocks Under $10

David Peltier uncovers low dollar stocks with serious upside potential that are flying under Wall Street's radar.

Product Features:
  • Model portfolio
  • Stocks trading below $10
  • Intraday trade alerts
14-Days Free
Only $9.95
14-Days Free
Dividend Stock Advisor

David Peltier identifies the best of breed dividend stocks that will pay a reliable AND significant income stream.

Product Features:
  • Diversified model portfolio of dividend stocks
  • Updates with exact steps to take - BUY, HOLD, SELL
Trifecta Stocks

Every recommendation goes through 3 layers of intense scrutiny—quantitative, fundamental and technical analysis—to maximize profit potential and minimize risk.

Product Features:
  • Model Portfolio
  • Intra Day Trade alerts
  • Access to Quant Ratings
Real Money

More than 30 investing pros with skin in the game give you actionable insight and investment ideas.

Product Features:
  • Access to Jim Cramer's daily blog
  • Intraday commentary and news
  • Real-time trading forums
Only $49.95
14-Days Free
14-Days Free
NYX $0.00 0.00%
C $54.08 -0.18%
CME $95.93 -0.24%
ILMN $180.46 2.37%
YPF $18.86 -1.46%


Chart of I:DJI
DOW 17,813.39 +1.20 0.01%
S&P 500 2,088.87 -0.27 -0.01%
NASDAQ 5,116.1430 +13.3350 0.26%

Free Reports

Top Rated Stocks Top Rated Funds Top Rated ETFs