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The Strangest Things You Can Buy Online

What Lincoln can get you
The Web site Fiverr posts thousands of things wiling members are willing to do for $5. Among the more typical tasks offered are simple Photoshop work, copywriting and webcam-aided foreign language tutoring. That sort of thing.

But things also get weird ... very weird.

One gentleman offers to send a video of himself singing Happy Birthday in Welsh, wearing only a thong and wooly hat.

A young lady offers to "create a video or Skype of me talking with my mouth full."

"Don't you hate when people talk with their mouth full?! Making noises, grunting, slopping their food while you can see and smell what their eating? What a way to get back at them," she writes. "I will gladly create a video or Skype of me talking with my mouth full grossly and disgusting. You pick the topic or what you want me to talk about and I will do the rest."

A street performer will juggle knives at your request (adding a chainsaw will cost you extra) while reciting up to 15 words of your choosing.

"I will do the best Donald Duck voice ever for $5," boasts another job-seeker, while another offers to carry a personalized sign while recording a video of himself balancing things on his chin.

Ever want a time-lapse video of your message with a bunch of mealworms crawling over it? For just $5 you can make that dream come true.

Fans of the band LMFAO might want to take up one woman on her offer to create a parody song from Sexy And I Know It for you or your business.

"I will let you beat me at Words with Friends," writes another seller of the Scrabble-like game. "I don't often lose, so this should make you feel extra special. I will take my turns slowly, so that you can savor the victory."

Other offers that caught our eye:

"I will go to the store of your choice and videotape dancing behind a random stranger without them knowing."

"I will ask Furry Freddy [a teddy bear] to be your boyfriend on Facebook for one week. He will tell you how he loves you but will not use adult content."

"I will punch myself in the face one time with my own hand in the cheek just for 5 bucks. And if you are not satisfied i will punch myself again till you are satisfied ... no eye punches though."

"I will create a video with pads and tampons about PMSing. I mean, seriously? How many of you get sick of hearing a girl complain about PMS? It's just an easy way to get back at them, I'll give you some good jokes and let you in on all the abbreviations that PMS 'stands for' ha ha. I can write names, businesses or shout outs on the tampons and pads."

"I will write the message of your choice in 'alphabetti' spaghetti on toast, photograph it and email you the jpg image for you to use as you wish."

"I will pull a condom over my mouth an blow it up with my mouth until it explodes. Then, i will say whatever you want as your message, a joke, a noise, or even say Happy Birthday to one of your friends."

"I will take a full force kick in the nuts from my brother and record my reaction afterwards for a minute or two. I am from Ireland so there will be lovely green grass out in the garden while we are doing it."

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