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5 Terrible Ways to Save the Post Office

4. The stamp that stars you
Forget (STMP). That for-profit site gives you customized stamps, sure, so long as they're not of "celebrities or celebrity likenesses, regional, national or international leaders or politicians, current or former world leaders, convicted criminals, newsworthy, notorious or infamous images and individuals, or any material that is vintage in appearance or depicts images from an older era [or] obscene, offensive, blasphemous, pornographic, sexually suggestive, deceptive, threatening, menacing, abusive, harmful, an invasion of privacy, supportive of unlawful action, defamatory, libelous, vulgar, violent or otherwise objectionable."

But you can order only up to 10,000 stamps at a time. And the chances are that some 14-year-old from Maplewood, N.J., isn't going to get her acne-ridden face on 10,000 first-class stamps unless she has very indulgent parents with a very large holiday card list. Any order of this size is going to be some boring corporate affair -- and 10,000 stamps even among the more than 300 million in the United States just isn't that big a deal.

But what if that 14-year-old clarinetist could be on every Forever stamp sold in a given month, or if Herman, the guy next door, was on every Forever stamp for even just a week? (Yes, a week of Forever.)

Given that kind of weird ego trip in this age of reality TV and YouTube stardom, you bet there would be a million budding Jwowws (or for a different generation, Angelynes) who would embark on campaigns to get people to vote them onto those little adhesive squares at, say, $1 per vote for government coffers. The Postal Service could even run a "hot or not"-style voting website that could either run advertising, charge for votes or both.
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