WASHINGTON ( TheStreet) -- There's one question that should haunt every child of the 1980s: How are people supposed to feel any nostalgia for the 1980s when they've never gone away?
This is 2011. People born in 1990 can drink legally this year. Despite this, the American public will once again be subjected to Transformers continuing the same pattern robot-on-robot violence they began on television 26 years ago when Transformers: Dark of the Moon releases in theaters next week.
They'll be asked to sit through Colin Farrell, David Tennant and McLovin's 3-D interpretation of Chris Sarandon and Roddy McDowall's roles in the vampire-neighbor film Fright Night in August when the 1985 film gets a remake nobody asked for. They'll also be asked to pay $650 to $3,650 over MSRP for a used Chevy Camaro, which they may remember as the 1980s pizza delivery guy's ride of choice.
No corner of our culture is immune. Mole-eyed gamers claim they're up all night playing Call of Duty, but one of the Top 5 games of last year was New Super Mario Brothers Wii, which was just a 25th anniversary remix of Nintendo's original plumber-powered favorite. Pop music practically never left the decade, as evidenced by Katy Perry's eight-minute-long pastel-plastered featurette for "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" that dragged '80s sax god Kenny G, Perry's '80s teen pop predecessor Debbie Gibson and '80s teen movie mainstay Corey Feldman out of mothballs.After more than 20 years of hearing the popular songs from that decade sampled, seeing popular films from that decade remade and watching fixtures such as the Rubik's Cube and Live Aid get rehashed, we at the TheStreet are proud to say it ends here and now. We've taken what we promise ourselves is the last look back through our Trapper Keeper full of '80s pop culture totems and identified five products that are never, ever coming back. Get that DeLorean up to 88 miles per hour if you'd like, but no amount of nostalgia is going to bring these items back from their purgatory of decades past: