1. Goldman's Divine Inspiration
(Originally published 11/13/09)
Wall Street may be a fertile ground for stupidity, but there are still times when we here at the Five Dumbest Lab struggle to find stories worthy of our list. If only we had a batphone to God like Goldman Sachs (GS - Get Report) CEO Lloyd Blankfein, it sure would make our lives much easier.
The CEO of the gold-standard investment bank discussed his divine partnership in an interview with London's Sunday Times newspaper, saying his flock of bankers and traders are doing "God's work.""We help companies to grow by helping them to raise capital. Companies that grow create wealth. This, in turn, allows people to have jobs that create more growth and more wealth. We have a social purpose," sayeth Blankfein unto the Times. Oh, so that's why the Apostle Paulson -- praised be Hank -- saved his former firm from going under last year instead of those unbelievers at Lehman Brothers. It's because Goldman helps other companies be fruitful and multiply. And while we were looking for a burning bush to show us the way, Blankfein opened our eyes to the real sign that the world economy was recovering. He said that bountiful bank profits and bonuses, like Goldman's $3 billion third-quarter earnings and $20 billion bonus pool, are the real indicators of heavenly times ahead. "Others made no money and still paid large bonuses. Some are not around anymore. I wonder why?" asketh Blankfein. We don't know, Lloyd. Why don't you call your boss? Surely He knows. Five Dumbest Final Thoughts -- Brother Lloyd needs to take a vow of silence.