Black Friday? Cyber Monday? What's Next?

NEW YORK (TheStreet) -- I'm very interested in the current trend invented by the sales and marketing people at America, Inc. by which days of the week are being branded.

Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, was invented during the 1960s, according to Wikipedia, which is right more times than people give it credit for. Cyber Monday was invented around 2004 by the National Retail Federation, supposedly in response to its observation that online sales went up the Monday after Black Friday.

Did you buy anything on Cyber Monday? I didn't, although around noon that day I experienced a tremendous urge to purchase something online. I didn't understand why at the time, but now I do. It was the collective unconscious pulling me into a transaction it wanted to make. Thank goodness I took a nap instead, or I might have sprung for that Barcalounger.

I find myself liking this meta-branding that's being done for us. It means all the pesky decision-making that usually goes into shopping and buying as individuals is eliminated, and we can simply plunge into the warm, sticky group mind for such important issues.

I think other days should be coined for a variety of purposes. Indeed, a day without branding should be anathema to us. What would we do on such a day? Who would lead us to the appropriate trough?

Some suggestions:

• Tough-It-Out Tuesday: Specials are offered to people who want to spend whatever money they have on discretionary items, even though they've fallen on hard times.
• Wacky Wall Street Wednesday: The third Wednesday in every month is given over to the purchase of stocks and bonds. Brokerages could offer special deals to make the day worthy of its new positioning.
• Think-About-Other-People Thursday: We'd take one Thursday every year to consider the situations of people other than ourselves. What a concept!
• Foreclosure Friday: Banks offer cheap homes left vacant by their irresponsible lending practices.
• Suck-It-Up Saturday: One day a year, we recognize the difficulties faced by those whose bonuses are suddenly only eight digits long.

This is only the beginning. Days could be the recipients of multiple brands, of course. Cyber Monday only comes once a year, leaving plenty of room for Mortgage Monday or Madoff Monday, depending. Whole months could also be branded -- how have we lived this long without Over-Leveraged October?

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