Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street: Jan. 9

Madoff's Family Jewels

Bernie Madoff successfully concealed billions of dollars of other people's money, but he failed to hide the family jewels.

A government prosecutor on Monday requested that Madoff be jailed pending trial, after the alleged Ponzi schemer violated an agreement with the court by mailing watches, jewelry and cufflinks worth more than $1 million to relatives and friends.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Marc Litt told U.S. Magistrate Judge Ronald Ellis at a bail hearing that Madoff, now under "pent"-house arrest in his Manhattan apartment, obstructed justice by attempting to liquidate assets needed by defrauded investors.

"In the face of a direct and clear order of a court, he violated the order," said Litt, referring to Madoff's pledge that he would not disturb his assets. The 70-year-old Madoff, was arrested in December on securities fraud charges, alleging he duped investors out of as much as $50 billion.

Madoff's lawyer, Ira Sorkin, however, dismissed the prosecutor's protest, maintaining that his client's mailings "happened innocently," adding that some of the items belonged to Madoff's wife Ruth. Sorkin also said the Madoffs even sought the return of items they sent out on Dec. 24 after the couple learned it was verboten to mail anything out.

Come on counselor, even the clods at the SEC aren't dumb enough to fall for those lame excuses. Nobody "innocently" mails out a million dollars in jewelry, especially someone under criminal investigation for a massive fraud.

Yo, Bern, here's a thought: Instead of mailing the booty to your pals, how about arranging to meet all your duped investors at a pawn shop to redeem the gems? It won't make up for the billions you lost, but at least you'd finally be thinking of the folks who deserve whatever bucks you have left.

Dumb-o-meter score: 90 -- End this farce and put Bernie behind bars already.