Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street: Dec. 19

Christopher Cox Clouseau

Have no fear Madoff victims. Christopher Cox is on the case.

Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Cox made his first major statement Wednesday concerning the alleged $50 billion Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme since the case was brought to light on December 11.

Cox, who will soon be replaced as SEC chief by Barack Obama nominee Mary Schapiro, assured the public that "every necessary resource" at the SEC has been dedicated to pursuing the investigation, protecting customer assets and holding those who may have been involved accountable.

Furthermore, while he can't share too much about the ongoing investigation, Cox revealed that "progress to date indicates that Mr. Madoff kept several sets of books and false documents, and provided false information involving his advisory activities to investors and to regulators."

Wow Chris! With detective work like that, you'll crack this case in no time.

Are you suggesting Madoff not only lied to the millionaires, charities, hedge funds and mom and pops, but to the SEC as well? Who would've guessed?

Sorry Chris, but you don't get off that easy.

Credible and specific allegations regarding Madoff's shenanigans were repeatedly brought to the attention of SEC staff going all the way back to 1999, but the commission failed to act on them. And even in your lame mea culpa, you admit that the "staff relied upon information voluntarily produced by Mr. Madoff and his firm" instead of getting off their duffs and doing some actual legwork.

Here's our idea to rectify the situation, and hopefully you won't ignore it like you did the many opportunities you had to nab Madoff. Instead of asking the SEC's inspector general to review the internal policies that led to this catastrophe, we suggest you hand the case to Inspector Clouseau.

Surely the bumbling French detective could do a better job than you or your commission.

Dumb-o-meter score: 95 -- Let's hope we don't get a sequel to this Pink Panther show.