Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street: Aug. 29

All Black and White at Citi

In an apparent response to its previously inked bad deals of exotic mortgage-backed paper, Citigroup's (C Quote - Cramer on C - Stock Picks) management is finally initiating a plan to save some bucks to counteract the disaster.

Take a deep breath for this bit of genius: Bloomberg reported Tuesday that, as Citi copes with more than $58 billion in credit losses and writedowns, the bank that never sleeps is taking drastic cost-cutting measures: It will cease routine color printing and begin printing on both sides of the page, presumably to save ink.

An ominous-sounding Aug. 15 memo from John Havens, Citi's head of institutional clients, details this and other measures, which also include a crackdown on reimbursements for non-business-related Blackberry use and reductions of unnecessary market-data subscriptions:

"As you know, we have spent considerable time looking at our headcount and related expense, and while we have made progress in that area, we still have more work to do. I recognize that the work around headcount has been challenging, and I appreciate all of your efforts."

As it reins in the most profligate of its employees, Citi's taking no chances, actually removing color copiers and printers "from the locations where they are not essential for purposes of preparing client presentations." Just in case some rogues want to get wacky with the pastels, Citi's removing all temptation.

If only Citi had implemented these measures -- which are certain to save tens, if not hundreds, of dollars -- without amassing billions in crippling investments in the quaking housing market -- it could have achieved profits more in line with its Technicolor dreams.

As it stands now, though, Citi's future remains as drab as the grayscale pie charts that will soon adorn virtually all of its internal presentations. Let's just hope those double-sided documents are no longer written on the back of recycled mortgage securities.

-- Mike Taylor

Dumb-o-meter score: 100. If some of its assets were of a more movable type, Citi might not be quite so pressed for ways to save money, no matter how small and ridiculous.

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