MOST READ: 5 Dumbest Things on Wall Street

1. Crazy Dimon

Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase (JPM Quote), appears to be channeling Carrie Nation -- the turn-of-the century temperance brute who roamed the country with a Bible in one hand and a hatchet in the other.

How else can you explain who Dimon is blaming for the demise of Bear Stearns?

In an appearance on PBS' "Charlie Rose Show" that aired Monday, Dimon blasted Wall Street gossips for wantonly destroying Bear Stearns, ultimately enabling JPMorgan Chase to buy the troubled brokerage in a fire sale.

"Where there is smoke, there's fire," Dimon told Rose of the rumors he believes contributed to Bear's precipitous decline. "I think the Securities and Exchange Commission should investigate it, OK? I think if someone knowingly starts a rumor or passes on a rumor, they should go to jail."

Dimon's talking about some of his Wall Street brethren, not about high-school cheerleaders, but that's a strong choice of words. Such renowned financial publications as Vanity Fair have recently floated the theory that mean-spirited short-sellers deliberately spread word around the campfire that Bear was failing. Those theories, while compelling, remain unconfirmed.

On the other hand, what is confirmed is that two Bear execs, Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin, ran two Bear hedge funds that were the centerpiece of the credit crunch's opening act in the summer of 2007. The funds lost about $1.6 billion in investor money through bad bets on subprime mortgages.

Cioffi and Tannin were arrested June 19 on allegations of securities fraud, conspiracy and wire fraud. Federal prosecutors say that Cioffi and Tannin were aware of the weakness in their funds' assets as early as March 2007 but failed to disclose the dire situation to clients. The feds believe that actual deception on the part of Bear itself warrants criminal prosecution.

Although Nation campaigned for temperance, she would have snapped up Dimon as a protégé based on his zeal. Get a load of what else Dimon said to Rose:

"[Spreading rumors] is even worse than insider trading. This is deliberate and malicious destruction of value and people's lives," Dimon said.

Yo, Jamie. Considering that you landed the deal of the century, we think that it is you who should keep your trap shut. Shout hallelujah, brothers and sisters!

Dumb-o-meter score: 95. Jamie Dimon has buyer's remorse. Pass it on.