Swedish Massage: Ay, There's the Rub

Winter can be a real pain in the neck, the way everyone is holed up indoors.

Faced with the unpalatable prospect of my own upper-back tension lingering well into spring, I realized I needed help working out the kinks, and I needed it fast. So I scheduled a massage.

Massage -- Swedish, specifically -- is the most popular spa treatment in the U.S., according to the International Spa Association. The quest to alleviate achy muscles and joints is one of the top reasons, along with stress relief and reduction, propelling people to spas, says iSpa.

Seeking convenience and efficiency on top of relief, I scanned the online menu of "body therapies" offered by Exhale mind body spa, a minichain with popular yoga and fitness classes.

Since opening its first facility in 2005, Exhale has grown to eight locations in the United States, most encompassing 15 to 20 treatment rooms and a fitness studio or two. (The spaces in Venice, Calif., and Bridgehampton, N.Y., are basically fitness studios and don't offer spa therapies.)

Expansion plans include new Exhale spots in Miami and Manhattan, as well as residential- and hotel-spa partnerships.

As Exhale already has two locations in Manhattan, near me, I figured my chance of snagging a last-minute appointment, at least on a weekday, was good. All I wanted was a half hour, which would be easier to squeeze into my schedule than a longer treatment, and I was happy to see that most Exhale massages are available as 30-minute sessions.

The Blahs

I was less happy the next afternoon, when I found myself waiting to check in for a Fusion Massage at the Midtown Exhale. There were two clients ahead of me, and two receptionists assisting them.

OK, not a problem.

But what to make of the three other staffers behind the desk, the ones with the blank stares? Um, hello? Was I not projecting enough expectancy? My wait lasted only a couple of minutes, but it was two minutes of feeling invisible too long. (The checkout experience was marginally improved.)

After donning a large, hooded waffle robe, I padded down the hall from the balmy (78 degrees) and bright locker room to the dimly lit lounge, a beige-on-beige area with neither oomph nor luxe.

But forget the décor. My peeve was having to share the space with a fully dressed, if shoeless, young couple who sat on one side chatting quietly.

Let's just say -- I felt underdressed for the occasion.

A few fidgety minutes elapsed before I was saved by my massage therapist.

The Aahs

Exhale doesn't offer a straight Swedish massage per se, but the technique is central to the Fusion therapy, a medley of massage's greatest hits inflected with aromatherapy notes (a.k.a. scented massage oils).

My massage therapist, Matt, suggested that the most effective use of my 30 minutes would be to target a few areas, like those tense upper-back and neck muscles -- which he attributed to tight pecs and weak trapezius muscles, familiar woes for the desk-bound droves.

The half hour flashed by as Matt stretched and guided my arms up and around and behind my back; worked the knots in my macramed muscles; turned, tilted and shifted my head side to side, up and down.