The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street: Feb. 29

3. Another Countrywide Cancellation

How does a business get the client to keep coming back for more even though you keep selling the sucker products sure to detonate? Why, you pay the sucker, err king, a shilling.

All you exploding cigar salesmen out there know what I'm talking about. Take the client out for well-seasoned steaks followed by good seats at an upmarket sporting event and he'll be sure to buy another box, singed eyebrows and all.

You can call it an edible bribe if you want, but remember ... there is sport involved too.

That is why, considering the national mood has become a bit inconveniently unreceptive to predatory lenders, it was one level of stupidity that Countrywide(CFC), the two-bit subprime outfit formerly known as the largest and most respected home lender in these United States, had scheduled a splashy junket for clients.

But Countrywide wasn't content to stand there. No, the company promptly climbed higher up the ladder of stupidity. They canceled the Aspen junket, all because of bad publicity that included a New York Post headline: "Let 'Em Eat Kobe Steaks."

What should these mortgage industry greats eat to fortify themselves for the task of foreclosing on thousands ... granola and broccoli sprouts? More importantly, how can those making shady loans do so in good consciousness unless they are given three nights of Kurobuta pork osso bucco from Spago and caviar that cost what some of these whining layabouts can use for a monthly payment.

Who is running Countrywide anyway? The New York Post or its rightful leader -- the orange hued Angelo Mozilo. Angelo, I beseech you. Throw off the leg shackles of public outrage and run your operation the only way you know how!

Dumb-o-meter score: 82.

No word if Spago makes good or if Countrywide will be hit for another charge --this one for returned Kurobuta pork osso bucco.