The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street

4. Mattel Angers Toy Buyers

When a friend or dear aunt gives your child a gift, your heart overflows with sentiment and gratitude for their kindness. But if that gift is battery-operated and makes the same noise incessantly, you wish the agonies of a portfolio of subprime mortgages upon them. (I'm still plotting dastardly ends for a lifelong friend who gave a kiddie guitar that plays antagonizing solos relentlessly, through day and night.)

That is why it was a bit curious -- not to mention altogether idiotic -- to see Neil Friedman, Mattel'sMAT evil leader, trumpet from the Toy Fair this week about how many of his company's dark creations will be infused with life -- the sort of mechanically, maniacally laughing, stuffed electronic life that engenders dreams of taking one's own life.

Friedman said that about 80% of Mattel's cringe-producing toys will now "come to life." This, he said, will add joy to children. Nothing about Mom and Dad being held captive to an unstoppable level of pandemonium. Moreover, as anyone with a sense of business (not to mention three children) might wonder, with so many Apple iPod, Sony PlayStation and Microsoft Xbox type gizmos, maybe traditional toy companies can do well with some throwbacks. Talk about sentiment, maybe toy companies can partner with parents to bring us back to a time when interactive play meant picking up two well-made figurines and making them talk. Not to mention, that the people who buy most toys are, the parents.

Dumb-o-meter score: 79. The toys, said Friedman, "bring imagination to the child." And death to the kindly Aunt Rose.