The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Year

Cablevision's Public (and Private) Disgrace

Cablevision might be suffering from a few lingering consequences of putting family pseudo-scion Jimmy Dolan in charge of Madison Square Garden, but the blowouts, courtroom disgraces and near-biblical squandering of a brand name is nothing in monetary scale next to the Dolan family's inability to take Cablevision private.

Are we all sure New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas wasn't put in charge of that too?

First, a summary, which is a bit like combat duty to write. While young Jimmy Dolan is often found playing the blues with his "band," the Knicks have gone through enough players and coaches to fill their rapidly emptying stands, where fans chant more often for Thomas' blood than for the Knicks to score.

Not content losing games, respect and money, Madison Square Garden also lost a sexual harassment suit. While maintaining innocence, the company agreed to make a huge payout to settle the case, simultaneously dropping appeals. When it got similarly hot on the ice, the company settled a lawsuit from a former New York Ranger cheerleader. "We didn't do it. No one saw us do it. You can't prove we did it. Will you take a cashier's check?"

Through it all, every unsightly bit of it, Cablevision continued to go after another fan base: their shareholders. But Cablevision shareholders have treated these offers like another fast break for the Celtics. Good thing the Dolans, who when they are not fighting each other in the business pages are being drawn as turkeys by the tabloids (and that's been some of the more favorable coverage), have developed a tough skin. Because it's these buyouts that have let the dumbness truly shine through.

Back in October, shareholders rejected the third (count 'em) offer by the privacy-obsessed family to take their company, which in addition to MSG, the Knicks and Rangers owns some nice monopoly cable properties, private. This latest offer, scoffed at in resounding fashion by shareholders, was for $10.6 billion.

"While we are disappointed that shareholders did not approve the transaction," the family said, "there is really nothing negative about today's outcome." The line held eerie echoes of one of many uttered by Coach Thomas, after a 30-point blowout. Is Isiah writing the Dolan's material or vice versa?

Dumb-o-meter Score: 90. Rumor has it that the fourth Dolan offer will include a free bag of popcorn at Madison Square Garden, though if you dare to boo the Knicks, you will be thrown out of the Garden by the seat of your pants and scruff of the neck. Good luck on the Eighth Avenue side of the Garden at night, with $10.6 billion and a bag of popcorn sticking out of your pockets.