Funny Money: Gaming the Game

Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.

President Bush announced a limited plan to freeze mortgage rates, mistakenly believing lower payments would allow him to continue ownership of the White House.

In related news, Florida's investment problems are threatening many school districts. Well, if we wipe out then entire public education system then, in fact, no single child will be left behind. Victory!

Of course, one Florida school district has actually been offering students McDonald's food for good grades -- you know, to make sure they're either fat or stupid -- so maybe they're getting what they deserve.

BlackRock suggested that Florida split its endangered fund into two entities. One will be secure, the other will be counted by old ladies from Boca using hanging chads to vote for Pat Buchanan. So it's less secure.

In corporate news, Vivendi acquired Activision, because "this 'game thing' might actually take off." Yes, in my world they used air quotes... out of respect for air guitar... Activision's inevitable next big hit. You know, because charging someone to play "fake life" just seems wrong.

You think games are more popular because escapism is an alluring alternative to an increasingly barbaric and pointless world? Or is an attempt to draw comparisons between wealth disparity, an overindulgent culture, global uncertainty and gaming just a way for me to avoid my own reality? PS: Anyone wanna play 'Pong'?