Funny Money: Holiday Dreams

Early this week, turkey futures fell on a surplus of gobble gobble, but Friday the market rallied behind the Dark Meat and Cranberry index before settling into a postmeal slowdown in front of the TV.

Of course, the TV shows were produced by studios that don't give writers a fair wage, the meal was in a house under foreclosure, and the toys bought that day had lead from China, but still … it was a good time.

The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, or D.O.O.M, met early in the week and argued over whether to count its money in 100s, 1,000s, dollars, euros or Giseles.

NBC and Procter & Gamble are working together to open a Web portal for pet owners. I hope the home page shows a guy in a sandwich board declaring “The End Is Near,” rather than simply calling the site Pets.com, version 2.0.

Amway’s expanding into entertainment offerings. Great, let's combine the sound foundation of a pyramid scheme with the integrity of showbiz. Why not just call it “Emptiness Version 2.0” and move on?

The weak dollar is generating some hefty overseas profits. Hey, readers in Europe! Wanna buy some "funny"? I know a guy.

Speaking of Europe, EU scientists developed artificial skin for cosmetics testing, and other researchers created embryo-free stem cells. Goody. Just in time for the holidays, we can make a super-race of Giseles.