Funny Money: Obsolete in Minutes

Amazon's digital music store went online, prompting millions of old people to smash their vinyl records against their increasingly underappreciated memories.

Seriously, is entertainment industry news even "news"? (P.S. Hire me.)

Pudding Media is a start-up that searches Internet calls to tailor advertising. It's funded by the NSA.

Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn... there are too many networking sites. Can't someone just make one place for all my "friends"? How about localbar.com, or commonroom.net, or cryingundermybedsheets.tv?

A plan to allow foreign companies to use international accounting standards has run into opposition. Supporting the measure: Computer Associates. Oh, and the fact that companies can pretty much make up their accounting.

Hacked iPhones no longer work after the latest Apple software upgrade, thus making those iPhones just like the rest of Apple's products. Obsolete within minutes.

The shoe-seller Finish Line said Genesco had breached their merger deal by not going all the way to the end of the race, by not completing the task, not, um, crossing the you-know-what. Seriously, people. Business comedy? I've been doing this for years now. It ain't easy.

Meanwhile, the Sallie Mae deal may be falling through. Shoulda had your father Freddie Mac bring a shotgun to the wedding.

The CEO of General Mills suddenly quit, but the cereal maker has assured investors that his resignation is still "part of a healthy breakfast."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is sure working on bringing back the casual Fridays look, isn't he?