Give Notice, Offer Thanks: How to Say Goodbye

Farewells can be sent out in bulk to general acquaintances at your office and any other companies you worked with closely, but be sure to reinforce stronger relationships with more personal communiques. Use them to subtly underscore your accomplishments together and to highlight your rapport.

A farewell is not the time for criticism, even subtly implied critique: It's too likely to stick, leaving your colleagues and bosses to heed the message but kill the messenger.

Besides, if the fat lady's already singing, the time for discussion is over -- your job now is to keep communications warm so that your good reputation lives on despite your corporeal absence.

The Rewards of Holding Your Tongue

When things end badly, it's hard for anyone concerned to recall the good times, but if you make a clean getaway, it's much more likely that you'll continue to receive referrals later. Like the showbiz greats say, leave 'em wanting more.

Like a lunch negotiation or a well-run meeting, the end of a business relationship is a critical juncture at which it must not sour, especially when the milk of everyone's human kindness is being subjected to the acid test of rejection.

If you're rejecting your tenure at the company, your stake in keeping it light is that much greater -- no sense rubbing anyone's noses in it if your departure gains you a promotion or a fat raise. After all, you never know when you'll need to hire your old colleagues away from their misery, or vice versa.

Two years from now, you'll want your farewell to have closed the door -- but left it unlocked.

Just in case you ever need to ask a favor, to get a recommendation or to be invited back at twice the salary after the ignorant new regime moves on (it does happen), you want your image to remain squeaky clean. But you knew that already: As Miss Conduct has taught, treat everyone as if he or she were still your boss, and if you can't be funny, at least be flattering.

As usual, the principle is to keep the recipients of your goodbye comfortable enough to remain focused on their work. If your soon-to-be ex-boss is so benighted as to forgo an exit interview, don't fret. Confidently carry your knowledge of the company's weaknesses to its competitors as you find a new situation.

Don't waste your breath there discussing the avoidance of similar problems in the future -- it'll wear out your welcome. Besides, you don't want them to get free advice; you want them to hire you as a consultant when it happens again.