Funny Money: Highly Anticipated

Old Continents Never Die

A panel of experts rejected Microsoft's attempt to have Office Open XML recognized as an international standard. In response, Microsoft released WeControlTheUniverse, version 2.1. This sets up the highly anticipated sequel to Alien vs. Predator: Gates v Jobs. Tagline: It's their virtual war, and we're caught in the middle. Somehow, it stars Brian Dennehy.

Saks settled charges that it improperly inflated its earnings. What? The fashion industry has no scruples? Stop the presses! Hold the dresses! Whatever else rhymes with yeses and messes!

Boeing will delay the test flight of its new Dreamliner in a blatant attempt to copy Airbus' superliner strategy.

Speaking of the "old" continent, a meeting of European cardiologists endorsed the use of heart stents after closely examining the gift bags provided by Johnson & Johnson and Guidant.

The new head of EA Sports said he wants the company to become a global enterprise like Nike and ESPN, then he ran out of hallucinogens and stopped talking out of his rump.

Sony Ericsson changed top executives from Miles Flint to Hideki Komiyama, solely because they're are at opposite ends of the name spectrum...

NBC agreed to sell digital shows on Amazon. Well, NBC has always pioneered entertainment. There was Cosby, Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, and uh... um... I'll get back to you. I mean, that's four, right? I'm sure this will work out.