How to Treat Your Enemies

Or, as Miss Conduct advises, cover yourself completely by not ignoring, disapproving, rejecting, undermining or embarrassing anyone. (And if you do, apologize immediately, sincerely and in detail.)

On the other hand, there's John Brincko, founder of Brincko Assoc., Inc., who specializes in large-scale corporate turnarounds, bankruptcies, liquidations and crisis management for clients such as Lockheed-Martin(LMT Quote), Ralph Lauren(RL Quote), Max Factor and U.S. Steel(X Quote). As he says, "I don't try to avoid making enemies, but doing what I do is sometimes very unpopular."

"There are a lot of people who won't confront an issue because they're afraid of annoying someone," says Brincko. "I don't follow that logic. I do what's best for the company and use considerate communications to explain the whys and the wherefores, minimize disruption and maintain morale and productivity."

As far as unpopular decisions go, Brincko is the voice of experience.

"If you have to close a company or a factory, I find that if I explain to all concerned in-person, in detail and give them a chance to ask questions, they will understand. People 'on the ground' have a better understanding than management usually thinks they do," Brincko explains.

In fact, Brincko applies to a large group what Boothman recommends for individuals. By making those affected by a potentially unpopular move feel intelligent, valued, powerful and important, it should mitigate any hard feelings.

Post-Enemy: Kill With Kindness

Unfortunately, most of us only find out we have an enemy after the first salvos are fired. Once the enemy ship has sailed, the only thing to do is assess the situation and try to find a way to turn it around.

As Boothman puts it, "An enemy is someone who makes you frightened. Instead of getting caught up in it, I ask what do they make you afraid of?"