How to Appease Your Boss-God

The Four Office Boss-Gods

Like favorite flavors, everyone chooses favorite emotional needs from a menu of four basic elements: dominance, sociability, patience and formality.

Zeus the Domineering: If your boss has a palpable need to dominate (and most bosses do), think of him as Zeus, ruler of Mount Olympus. This is the most common kind of boss because they're so, well, bossy. He lords it over the other gods, meddles in the lives of mortals and generally wreaks havoc. (Other than that, he's perfect, as are all bosses -- that's Miss Conduct's story and she's sticking to it.) In restaurant terms, he's a tough customer.

If you have a Zeus boss, don't try to fight his stormy nature -- you could get hurt by a stray lightning bolt. Instead, set your table someplace where you can catch him when his energy is low, like at the end of a friendly golf game, after a heavy meal or whenever he's more relaxed. Since he'll only be appeased by the best of the best, try to make an offering that caters to him as a connoisseur, whether it's a gourmet meal or just an article about the best new equipment for his favorite sport. Then, submit your appeal in terms of how your work can best serve his goals.

Mercury the Communicator: Another great proportion of bosses are more like Mercury, a friendly god who craves social contact and constant communication. He zips around, fast as light, making connections where none were seen before; he's opportunistic and an excellent negotiator.

So if it's sociability your boss craves, set your table someplace raucous or with lots of tech appeal. Pitch what you want as a relationship-builder, told in an engaging story that emphasizes your idea's crossover appeal. Make offerings that cross borders or speed up your company's process.

Hephaestus the Patient One: If it's God-of-the-Forge patience your boss values, he's a rare breed. Couch your ambitions in long-term plans and payoffs: Catch him in a quiet pace, entreat him with something that grows, and the more your offerings emphasize keeping your nose to the grindstone, the better. A word of caution: patient bosses can outlast all but the most committed employees, so take a deep breath and allow them to make decisions at their own glacial pace.

Apollo the Systematic: If it's detail and tradition that fascinate your boss, detail your plans exhaustively and emphasize the ways that your plan conforms to established rules and procedures. This consummate organization man prefers formal settings, like exclusive clubs. His favorite gifts are status symbols, from just the right tie or single-malt Scotch, to employing whatever methods are endorsed by the most time-honored institutions.

In the end, the success of any effort to persuade your boss must be measured in terms of how well it connects you to him. The good news is, even if you don't get your way, the efforts you make to cater to his preferences will always pay off.