How to Appease Your Boss-God

Formulate Your Appeal

A good waiter caters to his best customers' every whim -- but also has to steer the diner around inconvenient facts, such as when the kitchen's fresh out of goat. Similarly, as a supplicant to your angry god, you have formulate your request based on your boss' traits, not your ideals.

If you want him to do something, it's his emotional needs to consider, not yours. Do not fall into the trap of what your boss "should" do; begin instead with what he does naturally. If he prefers rabbit to steak, bring on Bugs Bunny.

Make the Steak Sizzle

If we intersect our dining and sacrificial metaphors, whatever we present to the boss-god is our burnt offering -- like a really fine steak. Here I'm calling it a sacrifice, but it needn't be an onerous one.

Whether you're offering extra hours on evenings and weekends to complete a project in record time, a new idea to make the company more profits or just a stick of your boss's favorite gum, the gift needs to shine somehow. Luckily, it takes nothing more to enhance whatever you're offering than a good story. If you can use words to paint images that appeal to your boss's favorite senses as you do, so much the better. In any case, making an emotional connection is the final step in any sales process, to close the deal.

Now that we know the game, it's time to meet the players. Which god are you praying to?