The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

1. Organic Tripe

Whole Foods (WFMI Quote) has dug itself quite a hole.

The Austin, Texas, organic grocery chain doubled its stock-buyback plan Wednesday. CEO John Mackey said repurchases under the $200 million program are "in line with our goal of maximizing our returns on invested capital to our shareholders."

Returns could use some maximization about now. The buyback move came less than a week after Whole Foods warned that sales and earnings growth would slow sharply. Shares have lost a third of their value in 2006 after doubling over the previous two years.

Last Friday's furious selloff wiped $2 billion off the company's market capitalization. But shareholders' pain was surely eased by the knowledge that the talented managers who led Whole Foods into this free-range morass are now in line for a healthy 39% pay raise.

"We are raising the salary cap for one reason," Mackey said, "to make the compensation of our key executives more competitive in the marketplace and help ensure their retention."

One exec whose retention evidently isn't an issue is Mackey himself. The CEO, who made $942,000 for 2005 and at last count held Whole Foods shares worth $27 million or so, magnanimously declared he will take just $1 in salary next year.

"I have reached a place in my life," Mackey philosophized, "where I no longer want to work for money."

Let alone deserve any.

Dumb-o-Meter score: 91. Mackey will soldier on for next to nothing, he says, because of the "ongoing passion I have to help make the world a better place."

To watch Colin Barr's video take of this column, click here.