Funny Money: (Conrad) Black Humor

Editor's Note: Welcome to "Funny Money," a feature written by New York-based comedian Jeff Kreisler. Lest there be any confusion, please note that this column is a work of satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the weekend.

The dollar rallied against the euro early in the week, but then it gave up an early goal to the Czech Republic and abandoned its game plan.

Donald Trump is planning a casino on the Mississippi Gulf Coast -- because if there's anything the hurricane-ravaged region needs right now, it's more hot air. Couldn't he just let them use his toupee to rebuild the levees?

Tom Ford is postponing the introduction of his menswear collection, meaning no new clothes for the three trust-fund guys who care.

Analysts soured on Disney after the Pixar movie Cars made only $60 million in its opening weekend. They're right. Zero to 60 in two days is pretty slow. Even my '87 Plymouth can top that.

It seems some of the brouhaha with this Euronext-NYSE deal is because European entities are concerned about being subject to U.S. rules like the "Sarbanes-Oxley Act," or, as we call it at my house, the "You sure use a lot big words, boy" Act. It's a loving home. Anyhoo, don't worry, foreign people or companies or government entities or whoever you are ... just get the act wiped out. Have someone go on TV and call it "the making babies cry act" or "the puppies must die rule" or "the death tax" and I'm sure it'll go away.

Speaking of labels, Hollinger shareholders voted to change the company's name to Sun-Times Media Group, to distance itself from its (Conrad) Black past. They say, "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." I bet the opposite is true, too. No, I don't mean, "A sweet by any other smell would still name as rose." Geeesh.

The UAW convention was held this week in Las Vegas, an appropriate setting to gamble that the auto industry won't disappear. The biggest attraction at the convention: the job booth.

To watch Jeff Kreisler's video take of this column, click here.