Funny Money: Bernanke's Chin

Stock quotes in this article: AAPL , DELL , MSFT , WB , WHR , GDW , BUD , MWD , N  

Fox News helped push up News Corp.'s earnings. We Report, You Decide, They Get Rich.

Northrop Grumman, the world's largest builder of warships, is seeking $200 million in government aid to recover from Hurricane Katrina. Apparently, they can't stand it when their warships are destroyed by anything other than their warships. Go fight the hurricanes, Northrop, before I declare war on idiocy.

More potentially blinding infections from Bausch & Lomb's ReNu lens cleaners were reported this week. It's just natural selection, people. Certain mammals stare at computers all day and require contact lenses; then they are eliminated if they're not able to adapt to disease. Besides, we'll all be back underwater soon, anyway, so what's the big deal?

It's clear that America is hesitant to accuse China of manipulating currency because China owns all of America's currency. Awwwwkward.

Finally, Saudi Arabia is considering an IPO of its stock exchange, and the Nasdaq increased its stake in the London Stock Exchange. Markets selling markets to markets? OK, so if China owns U.S. debt, and a U.S. market invests in a London one, and the U.S. buys Saudi Arabia's oil, and Saudi Arabia's market is sold to, say, China ... does that mean Chinese oil will be refined in London? I don't understand economics at all.

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A graduate of Princeton, Virginia Law School, and the fictitious College of Asparagus Lovers, Jeff Kreisler (www.JeffKreisler.com) is an accomplished comedian, writer, producer and person. In the past year, Jeff has worked with Dick Gregory, on Air America and Sirius Radio, and in the 'Comedy Against Evil' tour. He's hosted a dating show, worked on a cooking program, and developed comedies for MTV Networks. Jeff's a regular on Satire for Sanity, and was featured at the Edinburgh Fringe, Freedom Cinema, and San Francisco Comedy Festivals. He lives in New York City with his pet microphone, plays blues saxophone, speaks French and Russian, was a sports broadcaster, taught English in Russia, helped start a non-profit dedicated to at-risk youth, played college football, and is available for birthdays, circumcisions and bachelorette parties. Kreisler appreciates your feedback; click here to send him an email.




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