Funny Money: Incompetence Trumps Stupidity

Speaking of which, Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff urged chemical plants to adopt plans against terrorism. Umm, they hadn't already? It's 2006, right? And you wonder why I don't feel comfortable about things? That's it. I'm moving into a lead-lined house, on a mountain top, near a stream, somewhere in Canada.

As if to prove the U.S. government has no stranglehold on stupidity, French lawmakers approved copyright legislation aimed at Apple's iPod, even though Apple gave them the iFull tower, Considering the employment riots, you'd think they'd welcome Jobs. Steve Jobs, that is. (Now that's puntastic!)

Seriously, though, this is a blatant attempt to anger that portion of the U.S. population -- tech savvy, upper-income consumers -- that hadn't bought into the anti-French jingoism. Kudos, France. Way to bring us all together.

Etc. Ad Nauseam

Profits at Williams-Sonoma jumped last quarter because they entrap soon-to-be-married couples with $80 forks. You know what, Williams-Sonoma -- if that is your real name -- forget you. I'll get my cutlery the old fashioned way: I'll steal it from Denny's.

Thomas Lee is leaving his namesake firm Thomas Lee to join his sister Sara's baking company. Nobody cooks the books like Sara Lee.

Charles Schwab (the guy) received an 83% raise, which is half of what he'd have gotten if not for those annoying ads. "We're animation, oops, no we're not, yes we are, no we're not ... how cute!" Blech.

On the other hand, the CEO of Chevron had his bonus slide 12.5% to $3.5 million. Looks like someone needs another tax break!

Speaking of energy, Russia announced plans for an oil pipeline to China. Russia and China, the two great powers that power great together.

At the same time, however, China has instituted taxes to encourage energy conservation in consumers, an idea that, as an American, I just really don't understand. I enjoy sun-tanning in March and I never liked snow anyway.

And in a story with ties to much of the aforementioned, a report saying that American companies are behind in terms of protecting the environment is the winner of this week's Duh! Award for Excellence in Financial Obviousness. Next week, the same group will tell us that dead people don't dance as well as the living. (Ah, but what about the undead? They don't dance, they boogie).