Funny Money: Facilitating Disease

At the Enron trial this week, a man outside the courthouse had a sign reading, "Ken Lay is Not Guilty." Really? Who has time for that? This isn't Michael Jackson, people. He was clearly paid by the defense to show someone west of Pennsylvania Ave. cares about these guys. Puh-leeze

In other legal developments, JP Morgan salesman Terrence Gumbs was accused of fraud. Gumbs' partner, Mumbles, is still wanted by Dick Tracy.

Ben Bernanke was sworn in at the Fed. After the ceremony, his predecessor, Alan Greenspan, shed his human skin and became the robot demon Centaur from Zebulon 62-Pi. He pulled back on his horns, unhinged his jaw, swallowed the Treasury Department, and burst into a cloud of fire -- but not before raising interest rates one last time.

Unaware of Greenspan's robot demon identity, Lehman Brothers reportedly paid him $250,000 to speak to 15 important clients. Greenspan, who had regained his human form and was going by the name "Dr. Smooth Love", spoke about spending wisely to entertain clients.

In a related story of wretched excess, Goldman Sachs reportedly paid average employees enough to buy 4,000 bottles of Dom Perignon, seven Porsches, or waste the time of one NY Post reporter and thousands of readers. (Reading and writing Funny Money, on the other hand, makes you sexy).

Finally, it's Fashion Week again here in New York City, and, again, no supermodels visited my 6th Avenue kissing booth. I'm offering 2-for-1, ladies!! Ingrates.