Funny Money: Facilitating Disease

Meanwhile, Toyota is close to overtaking GM as the world's largest automaker. GM hopes to slow the Japanese company with its newest SUV, The Godzilla.

GM added an associate of Kirk Kerkorian to its board, because they're either following that old axiom, "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer," or they're morons. The jury's still out...

Still, kudos to GM for cutting executive pay and reducing a dividend. The automaker is still in trouble, but at least the bigwigs mean it now when they ask to borrow the Grey Poupon.

Take-Two Interactive, is in more trouble, forcing a spokesman to yell, "Cut! Alright everybody, one more shot. Places! Gaming Corporation Goes To Hell, Take Three! Action!" These are the people who came up with Grand Theft Auto; we can't expect them to act like the Sisters of the Poor.

Elsewhere, game maker Tiger Telematics is in financial trouble because kids aren't buying titles like Lara Croft: Algebra Raider, Can I Borrow The Car: Jersey City, and Beginner Pong.

In a related story, IBM is using video game technology to develop visualization programs for companies that have an abundance of teenagers and 30-year old Maxim subscribers.

Blockbuster will cut 300 jobs, largely because I still haven't returned my copy of Cheaper by the Dozen. Considering Blockbuster edits movies for decency, you'd think they'd just not offer that one altogether.

The Internet phone company Vonage is planning an IPO. Who uses the phone anymore? Just talk into the chip the NSA put in your Ritalin and your message will get delivered. Duh.

Apple introduced the new iPod Nano because it'd been about six minutes since the last iPod rollout. I'd almost gone back to communicating with my fellow humans. Phew, that was close.

Democracy in Action

Yahoo! apparently gave data to China that led to the imprisonment of a Chinese dissident. An outraged U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said: "Hey! That was our idea." Then his horns poked through his hair and he disappeared in a puff of yellow sulfurous smoke.