The Maven: Cleanup in Aisle Nine

Editor's Note: Welcome to 'The Business Press Maven,' the alter ego of Marek Fuchs. With humor and a unique eye for the interplay between Wall Street and the press, The Business Press Maven's column seeks to help investors make money (or avoid losing it) by better understanding what they read, hear and watch.

The holiday season is winding to a close, so please excuse The Business Press Maven while he grabs a hankie to dab the tears of anguish from his eyes -- and not just because Mrs. Maven didn't buy me the blue suede shoes I so wanted. What's really got my holiday goat is the way the business press is such a sucker for the jargon of the retail industry.

Late November and on through December proved to be game of "Simon says" between the retail industry and the media. Who was the leader? Dumb question. The sad thing was that there was only one loser: any investor who tried to make a buck from what has become the most predictable game of the year. Grab yourself a hankie (you'll need one) while we review:

The retail industry calls the Friday after Thanksgiving "Black Friday" because they please pretty please hope it's the best shopping day of the year and will put their books "in the black."

The media, as The Maven lamented last week, dutifully send cub reporters out to look for fights at Wal-Mart (WMT Quote), Best Buy (BBY Quote) and the rest, to weave the roundhouse rights into tales of demand.

In case the lines don't look too long or the discounts seem a bit to steep, the retail industry holds up the prospect of what they have taken to calling "Cyber Monday." That's the day everyone reportedly goes back to the office and blows off work to shop for everyone from the wife to the mistress. In full lackey mode, the media tied themselves into nasty knots trying to find people shopping at work. Same sort of drill for the so-called "Super Saturday," which came next but was not to be outdone by "Last-Minute Friday."

I might have even missed a day or two in there. Maybe "I Can't Believe You Are Playing Along With This Thursday." The larger point, of course, is that the next best hope of the retail industry should not become ipso facto the vocabulary of the business press.