The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

In a Fog Cutter us a break

The Nasdaq people based their decision, says Fog Cutter, on Nasdaq rules 4300 and 4330(a)(3). We're no lawyers, but as far as we can tell, the rules give the Nasdaq the right to kick out anyone it darn well pleases. Nasdaq, reads rule 4300, can suspend or terminate any listing "based on any event, condition, or circumstance" that makes continued inclusion "inadvisable or unwarranted in the opinion of Nasdaq, even though the securities meet all enumerated criteria for initial or continued inclusion in Nasdaq."

Yup, can't get much broader than that.

But, based on the totally logical argument you can read about here, Fog Cutter is appealing, which is why the delisting is on hold.

In the meantime, Fog Cutter auditor Ernst & Young is resigning the account. Not because of any disagreements, adverse opinions, disclaimers or any other auditing problems, mind you. The people at E&Y just wanted to get the heck out of there.

Can't say we blame them.

5. The $57 Billion Question

As you may recall, last week we pointed out that Microsoft (MSFT Quote) could probably do something better for shareholders with its billions than to simply pass it out to shareholders in the form of dividends and stock buybacks.

There had to be some way, we thought, to create greater value for shareholders -- greater entertainment value, at least.

Which led us to launching the latest in our sporadic reader contests: "Where Should Microsoft Have Stuck its Money?"

Which leads us to this week, where we reveal the contest winner.

First, a few runners-up:

Brad Morrison suggests taking $36 billion of the $75 billion payout and divvying it up among the 25 million people living in Iraq. Given that the per-capita income in Iraq is somewhere between $746 and $1,435, according to the World Bank, it would be "a tremendous windfall that will result in making their world more livable and give them a flavor of what capitalism can bring," says Morrison. "The U.S. can then stop spending the billions earmarked for the war effort, which will then help us reduce our debt and allow for lower taxes."

Tom Randall of Maplewood, N.J., suggests that Microsoft should purchase Medicare, privatize it, computerize it and thus morph it into "the most largest and most powerful health care management company in America." Says Randall, "I'm sure they can run it more efficiently (just think how they could 'bundle' services), make gobs of money, and still make it cheaper for Americans to get health care."

Our winner, however, is Harry Ward, who believes the best way for any corporation to increase shareholder returns is to buy naming rights for a sports complex or event. "Brand recognition is the name of the game," writes Ward, "and Microsoft could corner the market with $75 billion."

Just imagine, says Ward: "No longer would announcers or fans get confused about, is it Enron Field or Minute Maid Park, is it The Ballpark or Ameriquest Field, is it the NASCAR Winston Cup or NASCAR Nextel Cup? No, now all arenas, fields, parks and stadiums and sporting events would be named after Microsoft, thereby ending the confusion."

Ward wins an autographed-by-Jim-Cramer hat for that outside-the-shrinkwrapped-box thinking.