The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Master of the Nonresponse Greenspan's got it down

1. Advantage, Greenspan

For a guy who's not only chairman of the Federal Reserve but also a pretty good tennis player, Alan Greenspan is awfully modest.

By virtue of the finger Greenspan places on the interest rate button, he has near-godlike powers to sow havoc in the financial markets.

Yet, as we learned from a Reuters report Tuesday, he insists on understating the breadth of his power.

We're referring to an exchange Greenspan had during the question-and-answer portion of his remarks, delivered via satellite, to the International Monetary Conference in London.

Asked whether rising oil prices would be more likely to push interest rates higher than lower, Greenspan announced he would duck the question, then explained why he was avoiding answering it.

When the questioner jokingly thanked Greenspan for his comprehensive nonanswer, Reuters reports that Greenspan replied, "I just wanted to say I've practiced that thing of not responding for several decades. I hope I've got it down."

He hopes he's got it down. We at the lab wonder if Michael Jordan has that thing of dunking down, or if Jerry Seinfeld has that thing of being funny down.

The great ones make it look easy.

2. Go Directly To Jail. Do Not Collect $200. Collect $2,000,000 Instead

If you're outraged by the thought of a disgraced CEO, guilty of two felony charges, who gets to keep drawing his salary while he's serving time in prison -- well, you better stop reading right now.

You'd only get apoplectic.

See, we've got some bad news about Andrew Wiederhorn, ex-CEO of Fog Cutter Capital (FCCG), who last week pleaded guilty to two felonies peripherally related to a Portland, Ore., financial scandal, and who was sentenced to 18 months of jail time.

Wiederhorn won't just continue to collect his $350,000 annual salary while he's in prison, as we learned from The Oregonian's extensive coverage of the case.