The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

4. An Alarming Amount of A's

We used to think that consulting firms had cornered the market on adopting bizarre corporate names.

Not any more.

Earlier this month, you see, the computer systems firm Pioneer-Standard Electronics (PIOS) announced plans to change its name to Agilysys.

Yes, Agilysys.

We quote the relevant press release: "Pioneer-Standard Electronics, Inc., a leading provider of enterprise computer solutions, today announced that it is submitting to shareholders a proposal to change its name to Agilysys, Inc. (pronounced 'A-jil-e-sis')."

That's a red flag. If you have to explain how to pronounce your company's new name, perhaps you're better off going back to the old drawing board.

We're not the only ones to suspect Dumbness here. Kevin Horne, who brought this to our attention, writes Agilysys "has got to be the worst 'A' renaming ever -- worse than Accenture, Agilent, Altria."

He forgot Allegis.

Pioneer-Standard executive vice president Martin Ellis says there hasn't been any confusion about Agilysys, which is meant to evoke the words "agile systems." Says Ellis, "When I saw the word the first time, I pronounced it the way we wanted it pronounced." In fact, he says, no one he's spoken to about the name has gotten it wrong.

So why the pronunciation guide for Agilysys? That was a board member's suggestion, he said.

We're not convinced. We look at the name Agilysys and think skin disease. Ah, the heartbreak of Agilysys.

5. Naveen There, Done That

Hey! We just thought of what Grasso could do with his $140 million! He could give it to former InfoSpace (INSP) CEO Naveen Jain.

Then Jain would be only $107 million in the hole, as opposed to the $247 million he's currently on the hook for.

See, earlier this week, the irrepressibly ebullient Jain was ordered by a federal judge to pay his estranged InfoSpace $247 million. Something to do with disputed stock transactions in 1998 and 1999.

Now, if someone told us we owed somebody $247 million, we'd be angry. Or upset. No, we'd be depressed.

But not Naveen. Jain, whom we fondly remember as personifying the Internet bubble at its most giddily optimistic, doesn't get discouraged easily. Just as it was five years ago for Jain, failure doesn't exist, not even as a remote possibility. It's like spaghetti rising up off his plate to dance the Macarena. It just couldn't happen.

"We are all puzzled, because there is no logic to this ruling," says Jain through a spokesman. Puzzled, yes, but never defeated.

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